Episode two : Why LOVE?
“There is such a LOVE, a LOVE that creates value in what is loved. There is a LOVE that turns rag dolls into priceless treasures. There is a LOVE that fastens itself onto ragged little creatures, for reasons that no one could ever quite figure out, and makes them precious and valued beyond calculation. This is LOVE beyond reason. This is the LOVE of God.
John Ortberg
LOVE: what does that mean to you?
I explored with my dear friend and Coach, the meaning of love to me. To my surprise, I had categories of love. There is the love of Christ known as AGAPE love, which is the love that Jesus has for humans, which as a Christian we are taught to have for others. Then I had romantic love: the love I would have reserved for a partner. With this love, comes the weight of expectation of how we’d both behave within that relationship. It was here where I realised that what I was offering was not true love, but love with expectation & as a recovering “attachee” (that being a person with insecure attachment) I felt shame. This is not how I want to love. She invited me to really consider if there was indeed different buckets of love or if love was love! A really good rhetorical question and one I invite you to consider.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13
On Friday of last week, I attended a funeral and love washed over me. I was present in the moment and reflecting on my experience afterwards, I realised that I had felt a part of something more powerful that just myself. The power of love of a congregation of people turned out to celebrate the love of a person they loved. “It” flowed in generosity of spirit, of kindness of a smile from behind a mask, of a gentle hug sharing deep grief & a eulogy to a person who truly loved others.
Stephen Covey wrote in his book ‘The seven habits of highly effective people’ that habit 3 was to begin with the end in mind. What struck me about Dave’s eulogy was that not once, was his career or what he did for a living mentioned. His eulogy described his being: who he was rather than what he did. I found that profound and magnificent & we shared laughter and joy at hearing these qualities of our friend. They bound us all in love.
On leaving the service I felt overwhelmed by the experience of such love from total strangers. Caught up in the moment, I immediately wanted to reach out to my ex (our relationship ended in November) who I loved to invite him to rekindle our flame. Realising that this was not practical, I contacted another dear friend who reminded me that love is so expansive and to be grateful for all that I had experienced that day. That love didn’t need to be restricted to romance, that if I opened my eyes and my heart, I would know that love was within me all the time.
Within the coaching work that I do, I explore how it is that we close ourselves off to experiences, to love : by not feeling our feelings or by resisting the moment for what it can offer us. I feel very light hearted and open thankful that in that moment, my friend’s encouraging words remind me that love isn’t blind, in fact, love alone truly sees!
Authentic You 